VENTING

               Well finally a new post, but unfortunately this is all about ME venting.  For the past few days stress and frustration had me in a headlock and wouldn't let go.  Everything seemed overwhelming and I just wanted to crawl somewhere and hide, but life will never let you do that, so you just go through the motions.  I always prided myself as a sort of  "Hakuna Matata" kind of guy, that was me...Mr. "No Worries", but circumstances not under my control has sent me in a tail spin.  I know life is hard and I accept that, but it seems some people get everything they want, whenever they want it and they are usually not the most moral of people.  I'm not saying I am a saint but I do know the difference between right and wrong.  Anyway, what I'm getting at is...when will it be my turn to shine?  I believe God has a path for us to travel, but com'on Big Guy can I get a breather between the problems?  I know in my heart He watches over me and in time all will make sense, but feeling overwhelmed has taken a toll on me and the people I love.  I am sorry if I sound whiny and most everyone has some problems that they are dealing with, but ya know it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want too!   LOL
               Now back to feelings.  The turmoil I've been going through cannot be displayed here for legal reasons, but the frustrations and stresses remind me of the time when I was struggling with my sexuality.  I hid myself for so long that guilt, stress, self loathing all swirled around inside me.  I felt utterly alone.  I was a disaster waiting to happen.  I lied to my friends and family all to keep my secret.  I was fortunate, when I  finally came out, it was into the open arms of my friends and family I was so scared I would lose.  I chose a wayward path, but He was by my side every step of the way until I become whole with myself.  So I should just trust and wait, and not be so stressed...just follow and live, because everything will work out fine.

                                                                          SECRETS
                                                                                by
                                                                     Thomas Ventrelli

                                                   How can I live with these secrets inside?
                                                   Why must it be, that I have to hide?
                                                   Will they understand these feelings in me?
                                                   Or should I live deceivingly?
                                                   Secrets are meant to be told, is this true?
                                                   But will they accept what I must do?
                                                   Do I cover-up, forget who I am?
                                                   Living in a prison of my scam.
                                                   Decisions and lies, I want to be free
                                                   Oh these secrets, secrets are killing me.
                                                   I am trapped by Society, she holds the key
                                                   Of who I am and who I appear to be
                                                   So many years of secrets, so hard to confess
                                                   Is my life a lie?  Please don't say "yes"
                                                   I want to be true to myself and too you
                                                   Will you still love me?  I pray you do
                                                   Please don't judge me with labels of different decor
                                                   Just love me for who I am...that's all I ask for.