I was looking through my writings and I came across this little piece that is so appropriate since it is the last days of summer. This summer for me has been the worst, between the accident and being out of work it got me thinking about my life. So when I found this prose that I wrote years ago, it really put things in perspective for me. I hope you like it and if you're feeling like me, it helps you in some small way. Enjoy!
SUMMERS GONE BY
by
Thomas Ventrelli
I maneuver my car along the Grand Central Parkway, not knowing my destination. All I knew is that I have to drive. I want to get away from everything and everybody. I shift into third gear as if speed would hurry me along life's highway. I feel trapped and afraid. I turn on the radio and a love song interrupts my discontent. Like adding wood to a fire, the ballad torments me. I want to be loved, but unfortunately my soul mate is nowhere on the horizon; if in fact he is out there at all. I am aware of my indulgence in self pity, but for some reason it comforts me.
As the cool September breeze whips through the car, I notice the setting sun to my right. I exit at the Shea Stadium Marina and pull into the parking lot. I sit, watching the bright orange ball fall behind the calm water. At that moment, I realize another day is ending...another summer gone. Sadness overwhelms me with the realization of my lonely existence. I didn't want summer to leave because the fall is the future and my future is uncertain. I leave my car and walk to the shore watching and waiting for the darkness. I sit on a boulder and stare out into the bay. Deja vu engulfs me and I feel as if I'm in another place and time; alone but unafraid. Scenes of my past...old friends and family torture me. I see a young man ready to take on the world fueled by dreams and goals. The crashing waves against the rocks bring me back to reality and I snicker at the thought of that young man and his dreams; for he was me. "Where did they all go?" I ask myself and all I can answer is "life". The sun turns the water orange as it sinks, like my heart. The past is just haunting memories of things that once were.
I sit on that rock contemplating and reminiscing. I recall a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago; he said..."Ya know it's funny...when we were younger we wished to be older and now it's vice versa...". I start to laugh but the tears begin to flow. I scream up at God to turn back the clock of time, but my pleas fall on deaf ears. The years stole everything that mattered to me, and now I just exist.
The last remnants of the sun dips into the water and the night blankets the city. I wipe my tears and look upwards at the night as the first star twinkles brightly in the sky, alone. At that moment, I realize I must change. I know I have to let go of the past and start living for the future.
I start my engine and pull my car out of the lot. I feel reborn; no longer afraid. I let go of the past and sought my tomorrow. I know somewhere out there my dreams are waiting for me. I finally decide to embrace the future and quit dwelling in the past at summers gone by.
